Music In The Background

I don’t know about you, but when I’m working or cleaning, I really enjoy having music on in the background. When I’m in complete silence, my mind will wander and I won’t know what to do with myself. I get much more work done when I’m listening to music. It pumps me up and gets me excited to continue doing what I’m doing. It’s always nice to find little motivations like that in life. Whenever I’m feeling stressed, I will put some music on, take a break and just get completely lost in the lyrics. It’s such an awesome feeling.

I sometimes wish I could listen to music when going to sleep because I think it would keep my mind focused on something so I wouldn’t have those racing thoughts I get at night. I really have no idea how people do things like that. If there is as much as a tiny sound in the background, I usually will have a terrible time getting to sleep. It’s pretty crazy. When I’m really tired though, I can sleep through anything. Sometimes, just hearing someone talking from another room will irritate me or hearing someone moving around. It really depends on my mood though and how stressed I am.

What kinds of music do you like listening to when you’re busy? How about when you’re cleaning or cooking? I don’t cook but when I’m cleaning, I like to listen to Christina Aguilera and dance around, it makes cleaning up a lot more fun and rewarding lol.

Anger Issues

I have had anger issues from as far back as I can remember. Living with my mom was really hard for me and she put so much fear into me that I began to act out and do things that I normally would have never done. I felt like the entire world sucked and that everyone was bad etc, etc. It took me quite some time to come out of that. And while I’m not completely back to “normal” (If you wanna call it that), I still have my moments and I know that I have a lot to work on. Talking to people about things like this  is extremely hard and not something that I like to do, but I know at the end of the day that the only way I’m going to feel better is by working on it and being completely honest. I try to talk with most people but in all honesty, the only person I feel really safe talking to about this stuff right now is my boyfriend because I feel that we are close enough that he will listen and do whatever he can to make me feel better. I love being with him and I’ve never been happier. It just sucks that so much random crap is getting in the way.

Okay, so maybe I'm not THIS bad lol..

I really can’t wait to start talking to a professional and getting help so that my boyfriend and I can have time to think about things without all the outside pressure from family etc.

Should Celebs Be Better Role Models

This is a very tough question for me. At times I feel that, yes, celebs should be more responsible in their actions and try to do things in a manner that is appropriate for kids but at the same time, it’s not their responsibility. Seriously, it’s up to parents to teach their kids right from wrong and if a child or teen is thinking they want to be just like so-and-so, then there’s something wrong. Parents should be taking the time to make sure their kids realize that life is about being yourself and doing what makes you happy. Life is about learning and becoming your own person. If a child is looking to be “cool” or to “fit in” then a parent hasn’t been doing their job right. Of course, every child is going to feel this way from time to time but one of the main jobs a parent has in my opinion; and one of the most important, is teaching their child to love themselves and not just go with the crowd.

I think it’s alright for celebs to do whatever it is they do, and in order for parents to counteract the negative effects, they need to sit down with their kids and have good talks with them, explaining right from wrong. What happened to parents teaching their kids? It seems like nowadays so many kids are raising themselves and its sad! If I ever had children, I am going to make sure that they know they have me to talk to and they are going to know right from wrong. I’m not going to try to hide them from the world, because that just causes rebellion.

Hip-Hop Dance Class

I wish I wasn’t so shy. I have wanted to join a Hip Hop Dance Class for a really long time now, because I think it would really help relieve a lot of stress that I carry. Is anyone reading this a member of one of these classes? How do you like it? What made you join?

For me, dancing is one of my passions. I have loved to dance since as far back as I can remember. When I was in about 5^th grade, I was part of a dance group at my school and it was one of the best times of my life. I loved getting to know the girls better and coming up with dances together. We even performed in front of many people at a school talent show. I will never forget that day. Performing in front of people is the best feeling ever, the adrenaline rush is amazing. I’m normally a really shy person but I become something else when I’m up there.

I have been watching a lot of Ciara videos lately and her music really inspires me to just lose control and not care what people think. Is anyone else like this.. I get embarrassed dancing in front of myself. Does that even make any sense haha?

Just talking about this makes me realize that I can totally do it! Lol. I should just start dancing more, and then get my confidence up and then join and just go for it. I mean, we only live once. No point in being shy.

Ciara's Basic Instinct

Ciara’s new song, “Gimmie Dat” came out on her VEVO channel two months ago, as well as her song “Speechless.” I am really excited to learn that her CD Basic Instinct is now out! It came out earlier this month. So far, I am liking everything I’m hearing. “Ride” has been a favorite of mine for many, many months now and “Basic Instinct” is another one that really stands out. I just love Ciara’s style and the way she carries herself. She comes across as a strong, independent woman in her videos and she has the most amazing talent as a dancer. I could watch her dance for hours haha. It’s really cool how she can go from being tomboyish to being very ladylike; that’s what I love about her most.

I’m hoping to get her CD soon, so I can rock out to her new songs in my room and hopefully get back into dancing again. I’m getting pretty bored of always playing puzzle games. Not that they’re not fun, but I miss dancing, singing and being creative like I used to. I’ve just gotten too caught up in working lately and stressing out about things that I really cannot control.

That’s what’s so wonderful about music, when things get rough, you can sing or dance and just completely let go of any problems you are having.

Dad in Inpatient

My dad was in Inpatient for 21 days and although I’m really proud of him for trying not to drink and trying to be a better person, I don’t know if I actually believe that he’s “changed.” He says he doesn’t feel the need to drink anymore and that he doesn’t want to ever do it again, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. The whole reason he went into inpatient was because he got a DUI and all of this stuff. So, how am I supposed to believe that he’s “better” or “different” when he was forced into going in the first place? Yes, I do believe him when he says he feels a lot healthier and he doesn’t feel like he used to when he was drinking all the time and not sleeping enough etc. I just feel like I don’t know him anymore. So much changed since my grandmother died. I just don’t feel close to him anymore and I feel like every day we are drifting further and further apart.

I miss the old relationship we had, which is sad because all of it was basically a lie. I mean, I was so young and thought my dad was this wonderful person and ever since I’ve grown up and since moving in with him when I was 18 years old, my whole outlook on life is different. Why can’t parents be what we  think they are when we are little? LOL.

Well, I’m off to play my favorite helicopter game. Later guys!

Need Anxiety Advice

My anxiety has been acting up quite a bit lately. I can’t help myself. I find myself getting more and more insecure and just kind of losing myself. I have been playing this bike game, and many others to try to keep from going crazy lol. I am handling things a lot better than say, a month ago, but it’s still been very hard for me and I don’t want to back track and be like I was before. Sometimes I don’t even understand how my boyfriend puts up with me, because I’m sure I’m a very hard person to deal with. When you’re with me: when things are good, they are really good and when they are bad… well, you get the picture. Things are just really tough when I’m freaking out and can’t calm down my mind and my anxiety. Then, I’ll just sit there and cry for hours. It’s pretty annoying.

I am still working on going back to therapy but I’m a bit worried about it, because money is getting tighter and I’m so worried about being homeless or something.

Basically, my fears and insecurities are just taking over me lately and it’s been a very hard time. It doesn’t help that December is stressful because my grandma died a year ago this month and I’m worried about getting the perfect presents for everyone. Oh ya, and my dad is in In-House (rehab) for 21 days, or more.. depending on how well he does. I wish him the best, but I just don’t know if he is going to make his life better. I think he’s going to go back to his old ways.