Hip-Hop Dance Class

I wish I wasn’t so shy. I have wanted to join a Hip Hop Dance Class for a really long time now, because I think it would really help relieve a lot of stress that I carry. Is anyone reading this a member of one of these classes? How do you like it? What made you join?

For me, dancing is one of my passions. I have loved to dance since as far back as I can remember. When I was in about 5^th grade, I was part of a dance group at my school and it was one of the best times of my life. I loved getting to know the girls better and coming up with dances together. We even performed in front of many people at a school talent show. I will never forget that day. Performing in front of people is the best feeling ever, the adrenaline rush is amazing. I’m normally a really shy person but I become something else when I’m up there.

I have been watching a lot of Ciara videos lately and her music really inspires me to just lose control and not care what people think. Is anyone else like this.. I get embarrassed dancing in front of myself. Does that even make any sense haha?

Just talking about this makes me realize that I can totally do it! Lol. I should just start dancing more, and then get my confidence up and then join and just go for it. I mean, we only live once. No point in being shy.

Ciara's Basic Instinct

Ciara’s new song, “Gimmie Dat” came out on her VEVO channel two months ago, as well as her song “Speechless.” I am really excited to learn that her CD Basic Instinct is now out! It came out earlier this month. So far, I am liking everything I’m hearing. “Ride” has been a favorite of mine for many, many months now and “Basic Instinct” is another one that really stands out. I just love Ciara’s style and the way she carries herself. She comes across as a strong, independent woman in her videos and she has the most amazing talent as a dancer. I could watch her dance for hours haha. It’s really cool how she can go from being tomboyish to being very ladylike; that’s what I love about her most.

I’m hoping to get her CD soon, so I can rock out to her new songs in my room and hopefully get back into dancing again. I’m getting pretty bored of always playing puzzle games. Not that they’re not fun, but I miss dancing, singing and being creative like I used to. I’ve just gotten too caught up in working lately and stressing out about things that I really cannot control.

That’s what’s so wonderful about music, when things get rough, you can sing or dance and just completely let go of any problems you are having.

Dad in Inpatient

My dad was in Inpatient for 21 days and although I’m really proud of him for trying not to drink and trying to be a better person, I don’t know if I actually believe that he’s “changed.” He says he doesn’t feel the need to drink anymore and that he doesn’t want to ever do it again, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. The whole reason he went into inpatient was because he got a DUI and all of this stuff. So, how am I supposed to believe that he’s “better” or “different” when he was forced into going in the first place? Yes, I do believe him when he says he feels a lot healthier and he doesn’t feel like he used to when he was drinking all the time and not sleeping enough etc. I just feel like I don’t know him anymore. So much changed since my grandmother died. I just don’t feel close to him anymore and I feel like every day we are drifting further and further apart.

I miss the old relationship we had, which is sad because all of it was basically a lie. I mean, I was so young and thought my dad was this wonderful person and ever since I’ve grown up and since moving in with him when I was 18 years old, my whole outlook on life is different. Why can’t parents be what we  think they are when we are little? LOL.

Well, I’m off to play my favorite helicopter game. Later guys!

Need Anxiety Advice

My anxiety has been acting up quite a bit lately. I can’t help myself. I find myself getting more and more insecure and just kind of losing myself. I have been playing this bike game, and many others to try to keep from going crazy lol. I am handling things a lot better than say, a month ago, but it’s still been very hard for me and I don’t want to back track and be like I was before. Sometimes I don’t even understand how my boyfriend puts up with me, because I’m sure I’m a very hard person to deal with. When you’re with me: when things are good, they are really good and when they are bad… well, you get the picture. Things are just really tough when I’m freaking out and can’t calm down my mind and my anxiety. Then, I’ll just sit there and cry for hours. It’s pretty annoying.

I am still working on going back to therapy but I’m a bit worried about it, because money is getting tighter and I’m so worried about being homeless or something.

Basically, my fears and insecurities are just taking over me lately and it’s been a very hard time. It doesn’t help that December is stressful because my grandma died a year ago this month and I’m worried about getting the perfect presents for everyone. Oh ya, and my dad is in In-House (rehab) for 21 days, or more.. depending on how well he does. I wish him the best, but I just don’t know if he is going to make his life better. I think he’s going to go back to his old ways.

What colors do you like/make you happy?

I usually can’t decide what colors I like, because they are constantly changing, but lately I’ve become pretty obsessed with the color pink. It’s just so pretty and girly. I’ve been feeling more girly than every lately. I’m really into what’s popular and I’ve been keeping up with fashion a lot more. I don’t really care what other people think is cute, because I’ll wear whatever I think suits me best, and whatever makes me feel good. There’s something about wearing a specific color that can really lift my mood. It’s pretty interesting.

I’m also really into anything shiny lately. I love glitter. It could be because of all the music videos I’ve been watching, like the latest one from Ke$ha “We R Who We R.” Have you seen her makeup in that one? It’s pretty darn amazing! Christmas is just a really fun time and it’s making me really into prettier things and just being more jolly lol. It’s kinda funny. I would love to get a bunch of really sparkly, girly eyeshadow, eyeliner that’s all sorts of crazy colors. I love experimenting with things lately. (Like new fun games haha)

Are there any colors that make you really happy? Like, if you’re in a bad mood, being around that color just instantly seems to lift your spirits? It seems so corny, but when I see pink or red, it reminds me of love and I instantly think of my boyfriend.

Late

It drives me completely insane when people are late. It’s really annoying when people know that you have plans, they know what time and they’ve known for days and then suddenly they’re not ready or they forgot etc. Things like that I just can’t stand. It normally takes a lot to make me upset, but this is just one of my pet peeves. What about you guys? How does it make you feel?

Maybe it’s an OCD or anxiety thing for me too, because I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. I will never forget how mad I would be if I was going to be late for something, like school. I would always freak out and even start crying. I’m sure it must be an OCD thing, because I’m not sure why else I would freak out.

Sometimes I even have dreams about being late and getting in trouble or whatever. Isn’t that weird? I just don’t think there any many people who can relate to this, because it just seems so over the top. I mean, in life.. You’re going to end up being late and you would think it wouldn’t be that big of a deal but it just stresses me out so much. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I’m afraid of being late the next day. I think there are just some things that make me overreact quite a bit lol.

Do you have anything like that that makes you freak out and you don’t really know why?

Dates

Are you in a relationship? Even though you’ve been together for a while, do you still go on dates? I really think dating even when you’re married or have been together for years is important. Dating is what keeps people close. You don’t want to live your life in a boring way. There are a few main issues that can occur when in a relationship with someone that can result in a break up. One of the main ones is not spending enough time together.

Dates are a lot of fun. I didn’t even realize that my bf and I were going out on dates until it randomly hit me one day. We always go out to movies, and go out to eat and things like that. Well, simple as those things may seem, they definitely count as dating.

My favorite thing to do with my boyfriend is go for walks on the beach or see movies. I have literally kept every single movie ticket stub so far. I have a cute little book that I made for the two of us with all of our special things in them. I have questions and answers that we have filled out about ourselves and each other, how we met, how we felt when we first saw each other etc. I love keeping things like this.

What kind of dates do you go on with your significant other? How often do you go? How much has it helped to keep you strong?

Fears

I have a lot of fears, and I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that I have anxiety.

My biggest fear is of being alone. I can’t stand sleeping in an empty house, or going out on my own. I am getting better with it, but it just freaks me out. I used to randomly start balling my eyes out when my boyfriend would fall asleep before me. I am really proud of myself, but it still hits me sometimes.

Isn’t it crazy how much fear controls our lives? Here is a perfect example of that: there was this time I was driving on the freeway with my dad and my grandma. We were having a good old time, and then all of a sudden, we realized there was a bee in the back seat. I began freaking out so much and kept yelling for my dad to pull over. I literally unbuckled myself and was trying to open my door to jump out. Thank GOD my dad had locked the door just in time. I kid you not, I have no doubt in my mind that if the door would have been unlocked, I would have jumped out.

Lucky for me, since then, I have gotten a lot better since then and can even handle having a bee on me as long as I look away. However, I’m definitely not over it yet.

Now it’s your turn, what scares you?

Popular or Nerd?

It’s hard to really know what I was lol. I’m guessing it depends on who you asked, but I really think I was somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t crazy popular, although at times I hung out with the popular kids but I soon realized that wasn’t for me because all they did was talk bad about everyone and talk behind each other’s back. I just couldn’t handle that. I always thought the kids on the “nerdier” side were way more fun, more honest and just better people in general. Also, they were a lot smarter lol. From my experience, all the popular kids ever talked about was either gossip or sex. It was just boring. How much can you talk about the same topics? Hehe.

I have sat with so many different types of people in the lunchroom. I have sat with the total nerds, the most popular kids in school, the Goths etc. I honestly felt like I fit in most with the Goths but they were a bit too intense for me because I was so innocent. Now, I would sit with them lol. They were so funny and just awesome. I dunno.. they just didn’t care what people thought and did what they wanted. It was really refreshing compared to the popular people.

Who were you in high school? (or whenever) Do you think you fit one mold or did you fit many? Or, did you not really fit anywhere; but your old clique?