Hip-Hop Dance Class

I wish I wasn’t so shy. I have wanted to join a Hip Hop Dance Class for a really long time now, because I think it would really help relieve a lot of stress that I carry. Is anyone reading this a member of one of these classes? How do you like it? What made you join?

For me, dancing is one of my passions. I have loved to dance since as far back as I can remember. When I was in about 5^th grade, I was part of a dance group at my school and it was one of the best times of my life. I loved getting to know the girls better and coming up with dances together. We even performed in front of many people at a school talent show. I will never forget that day. Performing in front of people is the best feeling ever, the adrenaline rush is amazing. I’m normally a really shy person but I become something else when I’m up there.

I have been watching a lot of Ciara videos lately and her music really inspires me to just lose control and not care what people think. Is anyone else like this.. I get embarrassed dancing in front of myself. Does that even make any sense haha?

Just talking about this makes me realize that I can totally do it! Lol. I should just start dancing more, and then get my confidence up and then join and just go for it. I mean, we only live once. No point in being shy.

Ciara's Basic Instinct

Ciara’s new song, “Gimmie Dat” came out on her VEVO channel two months ago, as well as her song “Speechless.” I am really excited to learn that her CD Basic Instinct is now out! It came out earlier this month. So far, I am liking everything I’m hearing. “Ride” has been a favorite of mine for many, many months now and “Basic Instinct” is another one that really stands out. I just love Ciara’s style and the way she carries herself. She comes across as a strong, independent woman in her videos and she has the most amazing talent as a dancer. I could watch her dance for hours haha. It’s really cool how she can go from being tomboyish to being very ladylike; that’s what I love about her most.

I’m hoping to get her CD soon, so I can rock out to her new songs in my room and hopefully get back into dancing again. I’m getting pretty bored of always playing puzzle games. Not that they’re not fun, but I miss dancing, singing and being creative like I used to. I’ve just gotten too caught up in working lately and stressing out about things that I really cannot control.

That’s what’s so wonderful about music, when things get rough, you can sing or dance and just completely let go of any problems you are having.

Dad in Inpatient

My dad was in Inpatient for 21 days and although I’m really proud of him for trying not to drink and trying to be a better person, I don’t know if I actually believe that he’s “changed.” He says he doesn’t feel the need to drink anymore and that he doesn’t want to ever do it again, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. The whole reason he went into inpatient was because he got a DUI and all of this stuff. So, how am I supposed to believe that he’s “better” or “different” when he was forced into going in the first place? Yes, I do believe him when he says he feels a lot healthier and he doesn’t feel like he used to when he was drinking all the time and not sleeping enough etc. I just feel like I don’t know him anymore. So much changed since my grandmother died. I just don’t feel close to him anymore and I feel like every day we are drifting further and further apart.

I miss the old relationship we had, which is sad because all of it was basically a lie. I mean, I was so young and thought my dad was this wonderful person and ever since I’ve grown up and since moving in with him when I was 18 years old, my whole outlook on life is different. Why can’t parents be what we  think they are when we are little? LOL.

Well, I’m off to play my favorite helicopter game. Later guys!

Need Anxiety Advice

My anxiety has been acting up quite a bit lately. I can’t help myself. I find myself getting more and more insecure and just kind of losing myself. I have been playing this bike game, and many others to try to keep from going crazy lol. I am handling things a lot better than say, a month ago, but it’s still been very hard for me and I don’t want to back track and be like I was before. Sometimes I don’t even understand how my boyfriend puts up with me, because I’m sure I’m a very hard person to deal with. When you’re with me: when things are good, they are really good and when they are bad… well, you get the picture. Things are just really tough when I’m freaking out and can’t calm down my mind and my anxiety. Then, I’ll just sit there and cry for hours. It’s pretty annoying.

I am still working on going back to therapy but I’m a bit worried about it, because money is getting tighter and I’m so worried about being homeless or something.

Basically, my fears and insecurities are just taking over me lately and it’s been a very hard time. It doesn’t help that December is stressful because my grandma died a year ago this month and I’m worried about getting the perfect presents for everyone. Oh ya, and my dad is in In-House (rehab) for 21 days, or more.. depending on how well he does. I wish him the best, but I just don’t know if he is going to make his life better. I think he’s going to go back to his old ways.

What colors do you like/make you happy?

I usually can’t decide what colors I like, because they are constantly changing, but lately I’ve become pretty obsessed with the color pink. It’s just so pretty and girly. I’ve been feeling more girly than every lately. I’m really into what’s popular and I’ve been keeping up with fashion a lot more. I don’t really care what other people think is cute, because I’ll wear whatever I think suits me best, and whatever makes me feel good. There’s something about wearing a specific color that can really lift my mood. It’s pretty interesting.

I’m also really into anything shiny lately. I love glitter. It could be because of all the music videos I’ve been watching, like the latest one from Ke$ha “We R Who We R.” Have you seen her makeup in that one? It’s pretty darn amazing! Christmas is just a really fun time and it’s making me really into prettier things and just being more jolly lol. It’s kinda funny. I would love to get a bunch of really sparkly, girly eyeshadow, eyeliner that’s all sorts of crazy colors. I love experimenting with things lately. (Like new fun games haha)

Are there any colors that make you really happy? Like, if you’re in a bad mood, being around that color just instantly seems to lift your spirits? It seems so corny, but when I see pink or red, it reminds me of love and I instantly think of my boyfriend.